Sunday, March 18, 2012

I'm reconnecting with me

At the beginning of the year I was feeling very overwhelmed with all that I had on my plate.  I absolutely loved everything I was involved in, but I just felt like I was trying to swim while 50lb weights hung on each shoulders.  So no matter how much I swam or tried to just keep my head above water I just went no where and was sinking.  I thought setting my blog aside would help relieve the stress, but surprisingly it didn't.  I still created and decorated my home, but I wasn't getting the joy of sharing with all my friends and bloggie buddies.  Its fun to create for friends and family and to have a lovely home that is a joy to be in, but its also fun to share with others.  It got to where I couldn't read blogs anymore because I felt so stifled within myself.  I didn't even want to be on Pinterest!!!  That's HUGE for me!!!
So what has been keeping me busy you ask? Mostly I have spent time, working, raising my three babies, keeping house,being a helpmate to my husband, and being involved in the Ministry and Church.
To start with my work hours doubled in January and February and I have felt a lot of pressure to keep up now with my hours as I did then.  But I just figured out that even though the extra money has REALLY come in handy the time I have been giving to work and my computer has been sucking the life out of me, my family, and worst of all my relationship with God.  These past two weeks the amount of work available for me has been reduced and all of a sudden I started creating and living again. It felt wonderful!!!  Then this weekend was our Alabama District Ladies Conference.  It was the first one I have been able to attend for seven loooonggg years due to the fact that Children are not allowed.  Typically I would tap my husband to be full time parent for the three days, but he is the district sound man and attends every function held at the District Facilities.  This year my wonderful mother, who now lives next door, and my aunt (who had to work this year and was unable to attend the conference) agreed to watch my children so that I could go.  It was wonderful!!  The messages imparted under the anointing of the Holy Spirit touched me and revealed things within my self that I had tried to ignore.  I was moved to tears of release and understanding of what I was going through as the speakers ministered.  I am now free to say that I have been going through a dark valley the past few moths that I just haven't been able to comprehend.  I haven't been depressed or experiencing depression (I have first hand experience and deliverance from that spirit and affliction so I know that me!), but I haven't been really all that happy.  There haven't been any problems in the church or in my ministry that were overwhelming me, in fact that has been a wonderful place of joy and restoration lately.  I haven't had any trials or troubles out of the normal everyday fussing and squabbles among my children, and my husband and I have a strong, loving, mutual respectful relationship.
So what you may ask has been the problem?  Well to be quite honest its just been me.  I have just been keeping my head down, my fingers busy, and doing the everyday things every day.  What I haven't been doing is looking for what God has for me outside of my comfort zone.  I have been feeling restless and trying to do more of what I have always done, when now I realize God has been trying to lead me into a new season of my life.   I can't enter a new season if I am clinging to what I have always been and what I have always done.  It is now time for me to grow.  With this revelation I am full of excitement and joy and I realize that the spiritual battle I have been fighting, the listlessness, the uninterest in doing things for myself, the utter guilt if I did anything for me, and the frustration I have had is now at an end.  I am ready to step into what God has for me and I cant wait to see where He is taking me.  I know this has been a lot of rambling, but I felt like I needed to explain my absence from your blogging life. Also this is to announce that I feel a release to blog again.  I will continue to share my projects, crafts, home remodels (we hit a road block in that area that I will be sharing on another post...issues with the house that we are having the insurance people come and look at), sewing, blessings, family and inspirations.  I also plan to share where god is taking me as it begins to take shape.  I have some ideas of what He has in store for me.  Some are simple relationship minded areas and a another avenue is a pretty public endeavor that i cant wait to share when I get some of the details ironed out.  So be looking for that.

Again please forgive my rambling on while trying to communicate my heart and the dark place I feel I have come out of.  I know you are probably completely confused at this point, but I just appreciate you reading and loving me!  THANK YOU!

I appreciate all of you that have prayed for me and ask that you continue to do so.  I covet any and all prayers!

Have a great day and God Bless!!
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